Friday, September 11, 2009

Glimpse Into Motherhood.


Some days this picture is how i feel... Ok most days. I'm sure all you mothers are thinking "Oh Candice, you just wait."  :) And you know what, you are probably right. 
My nanny job last year was wonderful, yes it had it's challenges at times but for the most part i was happy. And it felt good to feel loved from the children and mostly Rebecca, who welcomed me in her home like i was her own child.  I came home last summer feeling more grown up, more experienced and felt that i had found myself. Now... this summer i must say has been a tad bit different from the last. I have been thrown out of my comfort zone, have felt more alone than i ever knew was possible and at times felt lost and confused about things i was once so sure of. Poor Karli had to listen to me break down a few times. Thanks Kar, i don't know what i would have done the first 2 months without you. It has been a very trying and difficult last 4 months for me for many reasons but now that i am down to my last week here in New Canaan, i am beginning to realize all that i have learned. Let me start out by saying this is the BEST birth control out there. No doubt about it. (my husband will either be very thankful or very frustrated when he has to beg for me to have children) Just kidding. But seriously. Now on a more serious note, One of the most important things i am taking home with me is the knowledge of how important the gospel is in a home. It is like night and day of a difference. I have always grown up having the spirit in my home and never knew or realized how it might be to not have it... until i came here that is. I would be lying if i said i did not struggle with that. It has been extremely hard for me. The best i could do was try and make my very own room a place where the spirit could be. I can't even explain how excited i am to walk in my home and feel that peace again. The gospel changes lives, changes attitudes, changes families, changes happiness and changes the mood in the home. That i KNOW. And that i am so thankful to know. I have also learned much about what i want to be like as a wife and mother. I am in no way trying to say that the mother i work for is not a good one or does not love her children, i am just saying what i have learned through some different experiences. Looking back at all of these experiences that may have not been easy or fun in anyway, i can finally see the good coming from them. Another thing that i have come to realize is the gospel is the same wherever you go. It's just as incredible here as it is in my little Utah bubble. :) Wherever you go you always have a family on Sunday. I am so grateful for my wonderful bishop he truly is one inspired man. I'm grateful for all the friendships i have made in my home ward. I have met some amazing people that have helped my testimony grow simply by example and sharing what they know to be true. And last, i have learned aton about myself. Sometimes that can not be a fun thing, but is something we need to find to become better. But all in all as ready as i am to finally come home, i am very grateful for my time here and for this brief little glimpse into what motherhood is like. It only reminds me that I'm so not ready to be a mom yet. But i know that day will come and i am super excited and hopefully will be a little more prepared.

5 comments:

Emily Dawn Ross said...

Candice this made me cry! I can't wait to hang out with you next week! You are such a great person! I love you!

Sarah said...

IT got me too can. You are one incredible girl. I love you so much. Can't wait for you to be home.

karli said...

Cann! Thanks for everything...I will never forget this summer! I know the Atkinson's will miss you, you are pretty much the best Nanny who has ever lived!...I know they also noticed your good example and spirit that you brought into their home! I love you and I can't wait to see you sista!!! :) Brooke and Trevor really do love you, they will miss you!...Tell them I say hi! See you in a few day's!!! :)

Bree Manning said...

Oh Candice... you are lucky to be going home! haha. I know how you feel. I wish I had a family like the first family you had. It really is so hard. I feel the same about my family now. Its so hard. I dont think I can do this for a year. Its so hard! But I'm glad I have you who knows how I feel haha. Ahh... I wish you were staying for my own insanity though haha. I bet it feels so good knowing you are going home!!! I'm so excited for you! Send me an invite to your wedding hahaha. that is.. if Im not already home haha. anyway, I love you, thanks for helping me. You really have helped a lot. :)

Maddee said...

your going to make a great mother to brents children one day